Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
