Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
