I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
