I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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