Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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