best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
