very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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