mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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