I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
