today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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