Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
