$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
