We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
