dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
ttyl tear gas
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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