would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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