I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
is it fun? or sober?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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