Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
