I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
