She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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