well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
