I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
