I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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