I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
