so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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