jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
