'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
