Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize