You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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