My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pants are for mortals
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
