The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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