Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
