When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
