we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
