Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
