I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
