Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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