he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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