so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
