i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
