We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
