Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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