My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
