If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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