We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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