So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
