She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
