A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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