If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
