he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
