She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
