hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
