Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
