I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
