Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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