Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize