I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
