Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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