We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize