my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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