I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
even my farts smell like vagina
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
