He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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