Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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