can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
