I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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