Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
The power of my boobs compel you
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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