direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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