I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Randomize
