so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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