Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
