Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
