Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
