During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
