It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
