Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i think my cat just said my name.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
