just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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