You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My liver just broke up with me...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
