he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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