Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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