walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
