im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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