I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
