So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize