i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
