One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this will be a night to untag.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize