i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
