ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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