Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
