Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize