I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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