with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize