Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
