OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize