He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
