he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
