no, he came in my armpit
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
