She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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