My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
