I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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