Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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