Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
