wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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