Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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